Life can be fantastic. Family relationships are harmonious, corporate leaders make ethical decisions, and going green is a global phenomenon.
Life can also be challenging. Couples get divorced, students drop out of school, and Ponzi schemes destroy the financial well-being of individuals and organizations. Whenever things go wrong, a common reaction is to fix the blame fast. Husbands blame wives, Democrats blame Republicans, and a frenzied media is obsessed with finding fault.
When people blame others or outside circumstances for their problems, they are admitting they have little or no control over their lives. This creates a “helpless victim” mindset. Resignation sets in and becomes the default attitude that permeates much of life.
An alternative to the blame game is to take responsibility. Regarding any set of circumstances, you can always ask, “What role have I played?” Or, “How am I responsible?” When the dog tracks mud across the carpet, when your manager is unreasonable, and even when the economy falters, ask yourself, “How did I contribute to that?”
Often your role in creating a problem is obvious. When you eat too much chocolate mudslide cheesecake and feel queasy, it is easy to take full responsibility.
However, when it comes to the economy, you might be thinking, “No way am I responsible for the current financial disaster. That’s ridiculous!”
OK. You’re right. It’s absurd to claim that you are responsible for every circumstance in your life. A flight cancelled due to weather or people dying of hunger every day are events that seem truly beyond your control.
Staying The Course
Recent volatility and changes in the world of finance have probably affected your investment accounts and, quite possibly, the value of your real estate holdings as well. Have you considered that these changes may have increased your need for life insurance?
Impact on net worth and feelings of financial security
Many factors are at play when determining how much life insurance you may need. No single formula or rule of thumb can be applied universally. But, regardless of the methodology employed to calculate the amount of life insurance you need, your current assets and debts should be part of the analysis.
Like most individuals, you are probably relying on your investment accounts, in addition to other assets, to provide liquidity and cash flow for your heirs after your death. Unfortunately, market downturns can have a sizeable impact on asset values. That, in turn, can result in a shortfall in the total dollar amount you intend to pass on to heirs at your death.
Increasing your life insurance coverage may be the most prudent and cost-effective way to make up for the shortfall. It can also make you feel more confident in your financial future. A landmark research study commissioned by First Command revealed that feelings of financial security increase when life insurance is sufficient to cover family debt and family income until retirement.
But even in these situations, it is still useful to ask, “What is my role?” In one case, you recognize that you have no control over weather or flight cancellations. But in the other case, when authentically asking the question, you discover that not only have you done little or nothing to address global hunger, you also realize there are actions you could take. You have shifted from having no responsibility to knowing that you could make a difference.
Even when you conclude that you have no responsibility for creating a situation, you are still responsible for your attitude or reaction to it. Back to that cancelled flight ... you could complain loudly and create misery for yourself and for everyone within earshot, or you could accept the situation and relax with a Starbucks and a good book. While you certainly don’t create the weather, you always create your reaction to it.
As you step out of the role of being a victim, you embrace your role as the author of your experience. You lift yourself above the self-defeating arsenal of blame and resignation. When you understand you have the power to create your experience, you also know you have the power to keep it or change it.'
Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, said, “Everything can be taken from a man but ...the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
About the author
Stan Lankowitz, M.Ed, has been a psychotherapist and life coach for more than 30 years. His clients include business owners, corporate executives, directors of non-profit organizations and individuals in all walks of life. To schedule a free, one-hour session, e-mail him at Stan@TheProballeinGroup.com. Stan is not affiliated with First Command Financial Services, Inc.